The words in the image are taken from the amazing Jody Day and her poetry.

It’s not the direction we wanted, but it’s the one we have. As soon as I was strong enough to talk about it, to write, to speak, like many of my amazing Gateway friends, I step up and stand up in both quiet and loud ways to make sure people who need us, hear us.

Because there will always be a miracle story, a ‘scanbush’, parents complaining of the costs and time, the assumptions that we “didn’t want” enough or could “just adopt” like it’s a comparable alternative.

Disenfranchised grief is just as raw at Christmas as socially acceptable grief. Childless adults have to build our own traditions. Our own route. Our own path.

None of it is laid down in cultural convention, in cultural Christmas convention, like the traditions brought alongside the journey of parenthood that we will never know, be it as a single parent or couple or otherwise.

And there is none of your new tradition that you can hand down as your own, to your own; nothing will perpetuate your own previous Christmas existence. That feels sad.

If this resonates with your own situation or you know someone it may help, please point them in the direction of Gateway, More to Life or World Childless Week.

Several years ago now, I spent around two years building the confidence to seek the right people I needed in my life and during that time I never felt so alone. I love Christmas, but I know very well that it can make people feel more alone than ever.

Reach out and reach in. Look out for and think carefully around your friends without children. As the grief changes and mellows over the years, we still feel it.